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The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

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  • #61
    Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

    excuse me you liked it? why thanks for that i got lots more its a whole book hehe
    sigpic

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    • #62
      Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

      thanks for that mate i got more of it and loads of fight scenes haha its a 5 book series!
      sigpic

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      • #63
        Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

        this is a work in progres sorry about the spelling in advance this has taken me the best part of about 4 years on and off !! lol

        I unfortunately have two jobs one as a factory worker and the other as a sniper in the British army. One day I was working in the metal factory and my boss shouted down from his office “Tony Green you have a phone call. So I go into his office and it is General Smith saying he has a mission for me and I am to get to the base ASAP. So I replied “could you please send some MP s to come and pick me up with my weapons?”. General Smith replied, “sure what ones do you want them to bring?”. I then replied “my AW 50F the M4 A1 carbine and my 1911 pistol“. “sure they will also have with them your objective folder ” he replied to witch I said “ok see you then “ then we both put down the receiver 15 mins gave me time to clock out early from work . I was waiting in the entrance to the work building when I heard the sound of tires screeching on tarmac. I knew it was the MP s luckily I was already in my DPMs with my holdall at my feet the two sergeants jumped out of the military land rover to collect me as they got within about a meter from me the stopped and saluted me I secretly liked them doing that to me seeing as though I am a colonel in the army they put their arms down and said to me “your ride is here sir”. as I jumped in the back of the landy there were 3 cases to meet me with a folder on top I took the folder off and opened all three cases, in them was my aw50f that fired the 50 cal sniper round in the second case was my custom M4 A1 carbine that was fully custom it has an M203 45mm grenade launcher , A tactical light that has 7 LED bulbs and it was super bright ideal if I was assaulting a building as it could cut through the smoke and it also capable of blinding people that made it easier to handcuff them , An ACOg 4X magnification sight that was very nice to use especially in CQB situations, A magazine clamp that was very ideal as it allowed quick reloads a collapsible stock and finaly a silencer that was attached to the barrel that allowed quite assaults on buildings and compounds. I then picked up the final case it had my 1911 pistol it had an under slung torch and it was also silenced it held 16 rounds in its magazine.

        I then picked up the folder it had a picture of a Columbian and his vital stats his name was Alberto Hernandez he is ex army he is 5’ 7” aged 40 and about 130 lbs with dark black hair. He has a record that started when he was 16 when he was caught and charged with burglary and he has now gone up to drug making and selling .He also imports and exports drugs all around the world we have a contact in his corporation and the contact has send us a report on his drug activities and it has been reported he has a 11 billion dollar trade. He has a wife and 3 children aged 3, 4 and 5 and the wife is 35 years old. Annoyingly he has an army that the Columbian army have been trying to stop him for the past 5 years so the British government have asked if they can help the Columbian government have said yes to our offer so in the past 3 weeks we have dispatched 3 of the SAS squadrons. I have been told I am to go and work along side them as they have lost a couple of snipers from there regiment because unknown up till last week he has trained his own sniper team and they have killed over 30 of our soldiers in the past 3 weeks so they have called me in kill Alberto and hopefully to put an end to this conflict. I then put the folder down and tapped one of the MP s shoulder and asked him “how far we have till we get to base” he replied “about another 2 hours” so I said to him “I am going to put my head down for a bit can you wake me when we are 15 mins away please?” “Sure” he replied. So I did whilst hugging my M4 just in case we are attacked.


        thats just the first 2 paragraphs i have others but these two just give you a sence in to what the story is about .

        any feed back is apreciated many thanks guys

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

          Originally posted by shooter1990 View Post
          this is a work in progres sorry about the spelling in advance this has taken me the best part of about 4 years on and off !! lol

          I unfortunately have two jobs one as a factory worker and the other as a sniper in the British army. One day I was working in the metal factory and my boss shouted down from his office “Tony Green you have a phone call. So I go into his office and it is General Smith saying he has a mission for me and I am to get to the base ASAP. So I replied “could you please send some MP s to come and pick me up with my weapons?”. General Smith replied, “sure what ones do you want them to bring?”. I then replied “my AW 50F the M4 A1 carbine and my 1911 pistol“. “sure they will also have with them your objective folder ” he replied to witch I said “ok see you then “ then we both put down the receiver 15 mins gave me time to clock out early from work . I was waiting in the entrance to the work building when I heard the sound of tires screeching on tarmac. I knew it was the MP s luckily I was already in my DPMs with my holdall at my feet the two sergeants jumped out of the military land rover to collect me as they got within about a meter from me the stopped and saluted me I secretly liked them doing that to me seeing as though I am a colonel in the army they put their arms down and said to me “your ride is here sir”. as I jumped in the back of the landy there were 3 cases to meet me with a folder on top I took the folder off and opened all three cases, in them was my aw50f that fired the 50 cal sniper round in the second case was my custom M4 A1 carbine that was fully custom it has an M203 45mm grenade launcher , A tactical light that has 7 LED bulbs and it was super bright ideal if I was assaulting a building as it could cut through the smoke and it also capable of blinding people that made it easier to handcuff them , An ACOg 4X magnification sight that was very nice to use especially in CQB situations, A magazine clamp that was very ideal as it allowed quick reloads a collapsible stock and finaly a silencer that was attached to the barrel that allowed quite assaults on buildings and compounds. I then picked up the final case it had my 1911 pistol it had an under slung torch and it was also silenced it held 16 rounds in its magazine.

          I then picked up the folder it had a picture of a Columbian and his vital stats his name was Alberto Hernandez he is ex army he is 5’ 7” aged 40 and about 130 lbs with dark black hair. He has a record that started when he was 16 when he was caught and charged with burglary and he has now gone up to drug making and selling .He also imports and exports drugs all around the world we have a contact in his corporation and the contact has send us a report on his drug activities and it has been reported he has a 11 billion dollar trade. He has a wife and 3 children aged 3, 4 and 5 and the wife is 35 years old. Annoyingly he has an army that the Columbian army have been trying to stop him for the past 5 years so the British government have asked if they can help the Columbian government have said yes to our offer so in the past 3 weeks we have dispatched 3 of the SAS squadrons. I have been told I am to go and work along side them as they have lost a couple of snipers from there regiment because unknown up till last week he has trained his own sniper team and they have killed over 30 of our soldiers in the past 3 weeks so they have called me in kill Alberto and hopefully to put an end to this conflict. I then put the folder down and tapped one of the MP s shoulder and asked him “how far we have till we get to base” he replied “about another 2 hours” so I said to him “I am going to put my head down for a bit can you wake me when we are 15 mins away please?” “Sure” he replied. So I did whilst hugging my M4 just in case we are attacked.


          thats just the first 2 paragraphs i have others but these two just give you a sence in to what the story is about .

          any feed back is apreciated many thanks guys
          This may come across as rude but is this bait? I don't know if I'm being trolled...

          This may be the worst story I've ever read. 4 years? I'm sorry but writing certainly isn't your strong point. It just doesn't make any sense at all...
          Get it right roon ye!

          Comment


          • #65
            Well here I go:

            The protagonist seems very soft "hugging his m4"

            Detailing the guns that much is uneeded remember if the reader doesn't understand it may turn them off.

            It'd very ... All over the place at the moment .
            He is at work
            He has to go in
            He requests something
            They cone with his kit
            He hugs his m4.
            Needs to portray your protagonist properly
            Sorry but that's my feedback
            sigpic

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

              yea thanks for the input but na this is not bait

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                well , i dont mean to be harsh just saying how i feel about it , dont be put off, my book has had TONS of criticism but i kept with it
                sigpic

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                • #68
                  Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                  na mate i did not mean you it was more towards barlow as the only reson i put it here was so i could get advice on how i could improve and yes i know its not my strong point but i did it to pass time

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                    well if you want send it over to me and ill have a proper read over it , read mine at the top of the tthread and comment please
                    sigpic

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                    • #70
                      Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                      hmmm.

                      trying to put it all down on paper, or word is very hard.

                      too many ideas, getting no where.

                      fuuuu.
                      K98 sale ----> http://forums.zeroin.co.uk/showthrea...43#post1216243

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                        proof reading sucks as well, so time comsuming.
                        K98 sale ----> http://forums.zeroin.co.uk/showthrea...43#post1216243

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                          1911's hold 7 rounds ....
                          and it just didn't seem to make sense , why would a major work in a "metal factory" and have two jobs ? . Weapon discription goes into too much detail , the numbers seem a bit off 30 soldiers in three weeks , didn't realise our military was that bad ? Also I'm pretty sure the SAS have their own snipers.
                          .

                          Any offence taken from my posts is likely intended.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                            any one done a chapter by chapter breakdown before... i'm not sure how much information to give.

                            the brief is below,

                            a 1,000 word summary
                            chapter-by-chapter breakdown of the entire novel (no more than 6 pages) and
                            the first 3 chapters (10,000 words minimum).


                            When accepted the final word count for novel manuscripts is in the region of 100,000 words.

                            Writers whose work we consider fit for publication will be contacted within 4 months of a submission window closing. Rejected submissions will not receive a response.

                            Any submissions which do not adhere to the submissions guidelines will be rejected.

                            help if you can!
                            K98 sale ----> http://forums.zeroin.co.uk/showthrea...43#post1216243

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                              Might as well chip in. :D

                              Here's a short bit of Firefly fiction done whilst tired and bored after work last night.



                              The gun was in his hand before he had even turned around, and yet it seamed it would make no difference.

                              He counted at least fifteen men pointing guns at him and his, and those were just the ones he could see.

                              Judging by the closest few, they were mercs - and not particularly good ones, or else they wouldn't be here, protecting the man they were.

                              Entirely oblivious to this fact, and supremely confident that the odds were stacked in his favour, the man who held command here was giving him a lopsided, idiot grin. A grin full of teeth that looked in certain need of a good dentist.

                              A well worn brown jacket, pinstriped beneath the accumulated dirt of years, hung ill-fitting from his shoulders. Mismatched ovals of unrecognisable material had been stitched onto the elbows, as if its owner thought it gave him an air of sophistication.

                              Even if it had, any sophistication afforded by such very fine modifications were immediately overwhelmed by the fingerless woollen gloves, gaudily patterned neck tie and pathetically tattered bowler hat.

                              "Malcolm Reynolds, I was wondering when your sorry arse would drag it's way through my neck of the woods." The man said, talking through that idiot grin.

                              "Badger, you know well enough the situation we're in." Mal replied, his face as serious as the pistol held comfortably in his hand.

                              "Now that I do. I know that very well indeed. Seems I had myself some Alliance feds come my way, setting my neatly set affairs all askew. Took down my office on Persephone, killed my boys and left me with a smoking hole as a reminder not to deal with the likes of you no more." Badger replied, his eyes narrowing in a way Mal did not like one bit. All the while that mighty fine smile remained on the swindlers face.

                              "Well now, seems to me that an upstanding gentleman such as yourself need not be to fretting about a few Alliance leathernecks. Besides, as I see it if they wanted you dead then we wouldn't be having this conversation." Mal replied, before furrowing his brow in confusion. "Sayin' so, how exactly did they miss that pretty little head of yours?"

                              "Now then, there's a story for another time!" Badger said with a laugh, turning to his closest lackeys in turn to ensure they were laughing with him. Most needed some encouragement to take the hint.

                              Mal waited patiently for the laughter to abate, raising his eyebrows expectantly at Badger, knowing the other man would spill the tale soon enough - he always liked to hear himself speak.

                              "Suffice to say, I wasn't there. I always keep an ear to the ground for all things Malcolm Reynolds. Pays to know what trouble you might bring my way. Gau si tends to follow you around wherever you go." Badger said, a look of smug satisfaction on his face.

                              "And how exactly did you manage to find me?" Mal asked innocently, glancing sideways at Jayne Cobb, the big man looking back at him with a half formed smirk on his face. Even Jayne knew Badger well enough to know what was coming.

                              "I... I followed you." Badger said, not really sure why the question had been asked. It wasn't until Jayne began to snigger before the penny dropped.
                              Armoury: VFC SCAR L, VFC SCAR H SSR, VFC Mk13 EGLM, KWA Vector, TM VSR-10, WE HK416, WE AKS74UN, WE SCAR L x2, DE M56 + M56B, Maruzen M1100 + M870, LaZouche Custom Shop Colt Mk.IV Series 70, TM 1911 MEU, TM 1911 Desert Warrior, TM Desert Eagle.

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                              • #75
                                Re: The zeroin writers thread - NSFW.

                                Apologies for the necropost but this thread came up in a search I entered.

                                Has everyone's writing just died a death?

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